I have pulled a few pranks in my life.

Never anything harmful or dangerous.  Never mean-spirited or hurtful.  Never intentionally cruel.

Until now.

Hehehehehehehehehehe.

Most of my shenanigans have been along the lines of being playful with those who take life way too seriously.  Like the time I walked by a booth spouting hateful messages on immigration in general and Hispanics in particular all in the name of their god.  This booth was unattended at the moment so I left a rather large spread of business cards I had printed for just such an occasion that read: “WWJD: Who Would Jesus Deport?”

Or the time my son and I were walking through a parking lot and noticed a car that had an anti-France bumper sticker, something about French fries and WMDs, I think, and we left a water bottle sticker from his Evian water under the windshield wiper.

And that other car that had the bumper sticker that denigrated homosexuals?  If that was your car, it was me who put the rainbow “I Can’t Even Think Straight” sticker over it.  It was on the back of the car so maybe you haven’t noticed yet.

I’m kind of ashamed of the mischief I played on one of my daughter’s school teachers.  I was an aide-for-the-day and I was supposed to help a group with a worksheet on dinosaurs.  They asked how to pronounce ankylosaurus  and I said I had heard their teacher say it with the first two syllables pronounced as “ankle” but that I had also heard it pronounced “an-kyle-a-saurus.”  I said I thought either one was okay.  The teacher was walking by when I said this and reported me to the principal for undermining her.  She lied about so many things about me; why I don’t know, but at this instance she said I said her pronunciation was “wrong.”

So, yes; it was me who hid the little toy ankylosauruses around the classroom including a couple that glowed in the dark. 

But my latest trick could possibly be interpreted as “mean” but ask me if I care. 

I do not.

My daughter completely turned around her academic performance at school with the culmination of a report card last year with straight A’s.  She needed a substantial reward for such a feat, no?

This is the child of mine that is into Broadway like Jared is into Subway.  We have purchased numerous DVDs of productions of plays and plays that have been remade as movies. 

In general, anyone who is a fan of Broadway thinks that every movie that is a remake of a play really, really sucks.  They, as a rule, care DEEPLY about this and will shout themselves hoarse in debating this topic with wild hand gestures and frantic spitting.  It’s a great show and it’s free so if you’re ever bored and there is nothing on TV, just ask a Broadway fan what they think of the Sweeney Todd movie.

Broadway fans despise the Sweeney Todd movie with a passion usually reserved for acts of war.  They feel strongly that none of the actors in the movie can sing worth a used, soggy Kleenex and given that it is a musical, singing is a rather important part.  They are so distraught the movie does not include the song The Ballad of Sweeney Todd that some have shaved their heads in despair.  There are also rewards for delivery of numerous body parts currently attached to director Tim Burton and actors Johnny Depp (Sweeney Todd) and Helena Bonham Carter (Mrs. Lovett.) 

In 2005, a revival of the Stephen Sondheim musical opened on Broadway with Michael Cerveris as Sweeney Todd and Patti LuPone as Mrs. Lovett.  The music is the same but it is told as a product of Toby’s crazed mind.  The actors all play their own musical instruments on stage and this version won six Tony awards: the sacred chalice of all things Broadway.

This production went on tour and my daughter, straight A’s and all, begged to see it so last year, that’s right; months ago, I bought her tickets and Friday night we drove over to Portland to see it.

Even if you were not a Broadway affectionado, you would be stunned by this performance.  I can highly recommend it.  Afterwards, we took my daughter to the back stage door and took numerous photographs of her with the stars which, of course, sent her on a high the likes of which she still has not come down from.  I was overwhelmed by the actors’ generosity and graciousness and was so grateful for the time they took to make my little girl’s dream come true.

We retired to the hotel but the occupants next to our room were noisy.  They kept up the racket until the wee hours despite our calls to the front desk.  At my age, wee hours are meant to be silent and when we checked out in the morning, we were a tad cranky.

As we left the room, my son, bless his heart, went to the door of the room of the noise-makers and removed the “Do Not Disturb” tag from their door and threw it down on the floor.  I saw this but I thought housekeeping might see it there and surmise it had fallen off.  So, I picked up the sign and threw it away.

As we were waiting for our elevator, housekeeping knocked on that door, not once, but twice, two separate housekeepers a couple of minutes apart.  It was a long wait for the elevator and as we heard the room occupants emphatically tell housekeeping that no, they did not want their room cleaned at that hour or at any other hour before noon, twice, it was all we could do to keep our malicious giggles to ourselves. 

Next time we’ll send them Sweeney Todd to give them a shave.