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| Tina vs. Oakland |  |
I offered to change her alias to The Perpetually Ornery Tina, or for short, T-POT but that plan has met with some resistance. I even told Tina that we could adapt a longstanding song to her new name but she let me know, in no uncertain terms, that if I touched either her handle or her spout, she would be forced to kill me. And don’t think that Tina’s size impairs her in any way. I have found dead mice in the garage. When our late cat Lucy hunted, she would leave the tail and internal organs for me as her feline gift o’ love. She would delicately place her offering on the welcome mat so that any and all visitors would be able to admire her skills. Unfortunately, the effect of her presentation on the Girl Scout cookie peddlers was not positive in the least. I had to chase ‘em down the street to get my Thin Mints, a sight that was absent of all dignity but, come on: go another full year without Thin Mints? Now, Tina’s mousie victims all look alike. They are kind of flat with eyes bulged-out but otherwise untouched. We have surmised that the mouse, upon the sight of Tina’s massive girth, faints dead away and then Tina sits on it. Tina also has a definite opinion when it comes to weather. She’s against it. Tina believes that if God had meant for cats to endure weather He never would have invented air-conditioning and central-heating on the Eighth Day along with NFL football. You really didn’t think I was going to let the week go by without mentioning MY (I’ll give them back when they lose) San Diego Chargers, now did you? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! Yes, My San Diego Chargers beat the extremely-hated Oakland Raiders last Sunday. I believe the score was 30-17 with our back-ups beating their starters. Excuse me while I gleefully cackle and snort. That was the eighth straight win, yes, eighth, and yet, it is still not enough. It will never be enough because, as I have pointed out repeatedly, any Chargers fan worth his or her margarita-glass-rimmed salt will tell you: We really hate the Raiders. The lifetime history of the two teams since they first met in 1960 is extremely slanted with the Raiders having beaten the Chargers 55-39 with two ties so eight is just a really good start. There may be other sports’ rivalries such as the New York Yankees vs. the Boston Red Sox or the Washington Redskins vs. the Dallas Cowboys but I contend they are nowhere near the loathing Chargers’ fans feel toward the Raiders. While it may have peaked in 1978 when the Raiders won with the infamous “Holy Roller” the contentious relationship is still ripe with hostility. We hate the Raiders whether they be headquartered in Oakland or Los Angeles. We hate anyone who has ever played or is currently playing or coaching for the Raiders. Trades and job changes may occur but suspicion will always linger. That’s why Norv Turner has never been quite accepted by the San Diego fans due to his stint as head coach for the Raiders. We’re still not entirely convinced he is not a spy in the employ of Al Davis. We also still hate John Madden. We hate their fans. Tattooed, pierced, body-painted, costume-wearing, chain-rattling so-called members of the “Raider Nation” are despised by any and all Chargers fans, living or dead. We hate their families, their children, friends and acquaintances. We hate their neighbors and pets. We wish their cats would gag on hairballs and their dogs would eat grass and puke. The Oakland Raiders should be wary of any future match-up with the San Diego Chargers because we fans have a deadly secret weapon. If anyone tries to touch LaDainian Tomlinson again, we’ll make Tina sit on you.
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