My two children are just about all grown up now.

My son is finishing his first year in college.  My daughter will be graduating from high school in June.  And while my memory is not perfect, I still recall when they were small and we would have tea parties.

Rarely, if ever, was any actual tea served.  The main purpose of the activity was to play with water.  So we would sip lukewarm Kool-Aid and call it “tea,” have a grand time and usually make a real mess.  Then, we’d make a fort out of blankets in the living room which the cat would destroy by attempting to sit on the “roof.”

Now, come to find out, “tea parties” have a whole new meaning.

Since I was informed by my daughter that I made Glenn Beck cry, I have been paying more attention to him as it has been simply ages since I had that effect on a grown man.  I’m bound to be fascinated.  And I have come to a few conclusions about this champion of the Tea Party movement.

First off, is it just me or is he a 3-D version of Eric Cartman of South Park?  They’re both gingers and, um, “big-boned” and hate tree-hugging hippies.  Like Cartman, Beck wants us to “respect my authority” when clearly, he has none.

A recurring theme on the Glenn Beck show seems to be equating Nazi Germany with Stalinist Russia.  A short glance at history or that ever-disputed-literary-source: the dictionary, shows us that these two political states are about as equal as the states of Hawaii and Kansas.  Yet, Glenn Beck exhorts his followers to fight for our country lest it become communist or fascist by going to Tea Parties.

I have never gone to a Tea Party but I have seen them on television and read about them.  The participants, while monochromatic, do appear to be sincere in their love for America but--and I’m speaking as a tree-hugging hippie here--we love our country as well.

My favorite thing about America was never better illustrated than in the Winter Olympics recently held in Vancouver, Canada. 

Let me just say, I thoroughly enjoyed the Winter Olympics to no end but nothing delighted me more than the closing ceremonies.  After the goose-stepping drum-beating Chinese gave me nightmares for weeks, I was never more tickled then when the Canadians rolled out their giant inflatable beavers and Mounties. 

One does have to wonder if that leaf in the Canada flag is from a maple tree, know what I’m saying? 

But I laughed out loud to the point of intestinal discomfort and I believe with all my heart that giant inflatable beavers should be mandatory in all future Olympic Games.  Thank you, Canada.  If I could, I would kiss you smack on the lips.

But what made me so very proud was that when they announced an athlete’s name, before they announced their country of origin, we would try to guess where they were from and potentially, every single name could have been an American.

I love that.

Any country that allows relatives of mine to join up is an awesome place, indeed, although in retrospect, perhaps also a little foolish.

I’m also bewildered by why the Tea Partiers insist on bringing loaded weapons to their gatherings.  Has someone threatened to take away their sugar lumps?  Milk and lemon?  Tea cozy?  And what is a tea cozy?  Is it really necessary or more than a little effeminate?  I don’t think the Tea Partiers are promoting gay marriage or open service but if they get this riled up over the potential theft of their tea cozies, what else are we supposed to think?

I know no one has been hurt at any of these rallies.  Yet.  I also know if folks got together in public without guns, they’d have a much better chance of going home without being shot.

Another thing that puzzles me about the tea baggers, besides their incorrect use of grammar and misspellings on their signs, is their claim on my God.

Again, I hate to get all “fact-obsessed” on things here, but aren’t we fighting a couple of wars against people who want to have their religion control the government?  I know it’s a different religion than the Tea Partiers are advocating but the principal is the same.  Seems to me if you want freedom for religion, you need to have a government freed from religion. 

But that’s just me.  Maybe I should switch to decaf.  Or go sit in a blanket fort.