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| Songs and Hats |  |
A cursory glance that requires no research shows that revolutions of the past cannot measure up to the current one in the streets of Cairo and other cities of Egypt. Our own truly lacked pizzazz. We fought an enemy who insisted on dressing in red and marching in line. Then we wrote a declaration that said all were created equal provided that the “all” was restricted to white men who owned land. Sorry, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. If you were of color, only 3/5th of you counted but not for much. If you were a woman, you did not count at all. While we have fixed some of our errors, we still argue over the definitions of “person,” “spouse,” and “family.” Some day… But at least we got some good music that requires a fife. Just can’t go wrong with fife music. And we got tricorn hats. Which look fabulous! The French have had several revolutions and you have to give them points for the use of the guillotine. Alice Cooper remains enthralled. And we got the music of Les Miserables and La Marsillaise and berets. Good stuff. The Russians have also had a few. We don’t like Tsar Nicholas II simply because he kicked out Tevye and the fiddler on his roof. Who could dislike Tradition! No wonder Tsar Nick II is widely regarded as a history’s musical poophead. Thanks to the Russian defeat of Napoleon in 1812, we got Tchaikovsky’s Overture. If we could have more cannons in concert halls, PBS would never need another pledge drive. Regardless of your alliance with the tsars or the Bolsheviks, you still got to wear a furry hat. And who doesn’t love a furry hat? The North Koreans base their country’s entire leadership on their love for a furry hat. Kim Jon-Un, the son of Kim Jon-Il, has been seen wearing the same customized hat made of “otter pelt with earflaps” thus giving him “almost the same status of his father.” Well. Makes our own inauguration seem a little silly now, doesn’t it? Lech Walesa led the Solidarity movement in Poland and was elected President with the best campaign slogan EVER: “I don’t want to, but I have no choice.” Oregon had a governor, Ted Kulongoski who won with the second best-ever campaign slogan, “I’m also a pretty good bowler.” Really. But as far as I know, neither Kim Jon-Un, Kim Jon-Il, Walesa nor Kulongoski wore great hats or had good musical scores. The Soviet Union fell in what is called a “gradual dissolution.” Hard to have a theme song for a “gradual dissolution.” Maybe the last chord of “A Day in the Life.” The Tunisian revolution was a relatively calm event beginning in December and ending on January 15 when President Ben Ali fled “allegedly taking 1.5 tons of the country’s gold with him.” Personally, I would like to see footage of anyone, let alone a 74-year-old man, fleeing with 1.5 tons of anything, not to mention, gold. That would have to be quite the sight. How could he have slipped through? Wouldn’t you feel the impact tremors? Wouldn’t even the most deaf and blind security guard say, “Hey, I think 1.5 tons of something is moving over the border? Hey, someone?” But no hats or songs. The Chinese tried to have a revolution in Tiananmen Square. It is referred to as The June Fourth Incident. The Chinese are masters at understatement, are they not? And I guess those approximately 3,000 people who were incidentally killed were just an unfortunate incident that happened just by incident and speaking of incidents, how about those Olympic Games? Anyway. But none of these revolutions or any other revolutions have ever had the je ne sais quoi of the Egyptian revolution for one reason and one reason only. Camels. Yes, camels. Mubarak-supporting thugs have attacked the protesters gathered in Tahrir Square riding camels. They are reportedly using whips, sticks and swords on their fellow Egyptians and foreign television journalists including Anderson Cooper. Here is where I would normally make a joke about how most of us could fully sympathize with the desire to use violence against television journalists but I’m not going to because, unfortunately, that isn’t funny anymore. The real story is that while many of us thought this revolution was the result of the use of social media through advanced forms of technology in a quest for dignity, democracy and freedom, apparently it is, in fact, an Indiana Jones movie. Which means, outstanding theme music. And the best. Hat. Ever.
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