Day Five of my drug-resistant headache and I’m a tad cranky.

Should I blame my San Diego Chargers who have started their football season 1-3 and look like someone switched their Gatorade to decaf?  Should I blame my San Diego Padres who were not content to choke once but instead chose to do it three times in a row?

Maybe.

Perhaps it’s because I am in the middle of trying to help settle my father-in-law’s affairs because he died without a will or trust? 

Please, I am begging you; do not do this to your children.  If you do, just know that your heirs will want to kick your sorry butt for all eternity as long as they can get away with it and not be sent to Hell for doing so.  It’s a mess; believe me.

But while I’m so uptight I cannot turn my head, I have that eye twitching thing I get and yesterday I broke out in hives, real actual hives, at least I’m pretty calm compared to those who have been offended by the latest hamburger commercial from Carl’s Jr.

I’m sure that if you’re like me and watched MTV back in 1984 when the station actually aired music videos, the first time you saw the commercial for the new Carl’s Jr. Patty Melt, you immediately saw it as a rip-off of the Van Halen video of "Hot for Teacher."  I think the only reason Eddie and the boys have not initiated a lawsuit against the plagiarists is because the commercial is just too stupid as it is.

I gather from reading and listening to those who were offended that the main gripe they have with the advertisement is the supposed teacher gyrating in front of her class. 
They have no problems with the Patty Melt sandwich itself.  My son tried it and assured me it is a tasty burger.

The Carl’s Jr. Patty Melt is served on two slices of grilled rye bread instead of the standard hamburger bun and thus the result is a flatness of the buns.  In the aforementioned commercial, while the teacher is flinging herself hither and yon, the “students” are singing a rap song about how much they like “flat buns” over and over again.
 
Faith-based groups as well as teacher organizations have protested the ad and as a result, the scenes of the spastic mini-skirted teacher have been removed from the commercial but don’t worry; you can still see the complete advertisement on the internet. 
However, the song is the same and in my opinion, rap music is annoying enough but when it is in a commercial that is shown before my face unrequested, it is extremely irritating. 

There are other advertising campaigns that vex me a lot more than the Carl’s Jr. Patty Melt.  Yet, you do not hear large groups of people protest them.

Maybe it’s just me but I have trouble recalling a more uncomfortable time than when I am watching television with my children present and an advertisement is aired, usually at several decibels louder than the program I am watching, that promotes a product for erectile dysfunction. 

While the voice-over drones on about what to do if you have a four-hour erection, they show some couple engaged in weird kinds of foreplay like floating tea lights on plastic lids in the swimming pool or sitting naked in twin bathtubs out of doors at the edge of a cliff. 

I don’t think I will ever be the kind of person who would enjoy sitting naked in a bathtub outdoors at the edge of a cliff.  For one thing, I’m not sure they could get hot water out there and for another, sitting naked in a cold bath or even an empty bathtub strikes me as being more strange than sexy. 

Again, maybe it’s just me.  Pain and tension have made me a bit testy and maybe if I felt better, I would be able to sit naked in bathtub that was outside. 

Tell you what; I promise I’ll try to do that if my Padres win a World Series and my Chargers win a Super Bowl. 

Like that’ll ever happen.