All is right with the world.

I know we are all under a lot of stress right now.  If you’re not under a lot of stress, you’re not paying attention.
Wake up, people. 
Large groups of unruly people want to kill us. 
We know we must be ultra-security minded as well as consciously aware that danger can be found in even the most unlikely places.

But not now. 

Now, we’re okay. 

Once again, we are under the protection of Master Chief Petty Officer Spartan 117. 

Whew.

For those of you whose worlds do not revolve around Xbox 360, I am talking about today’s release of Halo 3.  Master Chief is the good guy. 
You may wonder what is the attraction of Master Chief and all things Halo-ey?  I think it’s the uniform.
I mean the real uniform, not like the obviously home-made painted cardboard version that was worn by some kid at Best Buy.  The scary thing is; I’m not sure he was an employee.  He told me where to go to pick up my reserved copy and I was too taken aback to argue.

Master Chief’s uniform/body armor/really-cool-body-covering is awesome.  When in the armor, Master Chief is seven feet tall and weighs half a ton. 
The armor has a connection to an AI that makes the machine and mind reaction time more than five times faster than an ordinary human.  The Xbox site describes it thus:
“MJOLNIR armor is constructed in overlapping layers. It is a sealed system, capable of extravehicular activity or operations in toxic atmosphere. It is hardened against EMP and radiation, and has environment filters that are completely effective at removing toxins and bacteria from local atmosphere.
The armor's shell is a multilayer alloy of remarkable strength and has been augmented with a refractive coating capable of dispersing a limited number of Covenant energy weapon attacks.”

I can think of several bad guys who, upon seeing a fully decked-out Master Chief approaching, would faint dead away.

It begs the question: Why don’t real armed forces adopt the Master Chief uniform?

It could only help some countries. 
The Swiss Guard who protect Vatican City look like something a two-year-old would make out of Play-Doh or Lite Bright.  It does not look real.  One can only assume the thinking behind this design was that the enemies of Vatican City would take one look at this uniform and die laughing.

I recently saw footage of the Iranian Turkmen.  The Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is presently in New York to address the United Nations and I am at a loss to explain why there isn’t a simultaneous convention of John Hinckley, Juniors nearby, if you get my drift.  In a city where every man, woman and child are armed to the teeth, you have to think their complacency is due to laziness.
  
The uniforms of the Iranian Turkmen are a wonder to behold. 
They wear what appears to be a maroon Hugh Hefner smoking jacket that is secured by a lovely sash at the waist. 
For some reason unknown to me, the soldiers don some kind of white wig on their heads that makes them look like either Phyllis Diller or Albert Einstein in drag. 
Then, they try to dignify it all by goose stepping like the armies of North Korea and that other country in Europe in the 1930s-1940s who killed millions of imaginary people. 

Right.

The United States military also have some uniform details that are puzzle me. 
The United States Marine Corps are manly men and womanly women who would absolutely be my first choice of defense, should I so require it.  However, in their advertisements they always show a soldier brandishing a sword.

A sword? 
We’re supposed to defeat the terrorists with a sword? 
This does not inspire confidence unless you are a resident of Middle Earth or you are a pirate.

Every time I see that sword commercial, I think of how Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark dealt with swords. 
Remember how Indy had just battled a whole slew of bad guys when that grinning maniac ran up to him doing acrobatics with his sword?  Indiana Jones had just about had it by that point, he was hot, tired, sweaty and dirty so he pulled out his handgun, took care of sword man toot sweet and then went on to deal with the snakes. 

He really hated snakes.

You can bet the Covenant (Halo 3 bad guys) will not be using a sword against Master Chief.  What’s more, not even Brutes, Drones or Grunts (other Halo 3 bad guys) would be caught dead marching around in a Phyllis Diller wig or a Play-Doh uniform either. 

But I feel so much safer now.  Master Chief is back.