 |
 |
 |
|
| Grassley Shish Kabob |  |
As a rule, they will all tell you, in all seriousness, sometimes in unison, the first thing you know, “Ol’ Jed’s a millionaire.” And they won’t be able to stop there. They will also tell you: “kin folk said, ‘Jed, move away from there,’ said, ‘California is the place you oughta be’ so they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly…Hills that is…swimmin’ pools, movie stars.” We will also tell you what happens when you go on a three-hour tour with Gilligan, the story of a pretty lady and a man named Brady and “come ride the little train that is rollin’ down the tracks to the junction…Petticoat Junction.” Why? Long-term effects of substantial drug use? Probably but it’s also because, we, the baby boomers, are idiots. We can hum the theme to Hawaii 5-O but we cannot tell you why we had to run into the kitchen yesterday for something that was vitally important at one time but once we got there, we forgot what it was and can’t remember until we suddenly sit up in bed the following morning at 2:00 am. (Answer: sleep medication so we won’t suddenly sit up in bed at 2:00 am in the morning.) We know, too, that Jed moved to Beverly Hills with his purty daughter, Elly May, who loved critters, his nephew, Jethro, who was like a rock only dumber and his mother-in-law, Granny, who was never too far from her “rheumatiz medicine” also known as “corn squeezins.” We also know, given the current economy, Mr. Drysdale wasn’t all that bad after all. But corn squeezins are still affecting this country because I can think of no other reason for the recent comments by U.S. Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa (state song: We Pop our Corn with Joy.). Senator Grassley (R) (I think the “R” stands for Rush Limbaugh) said in regards to the AIG executives who gave themselves large bonuses after accepting bailout money, “I would suggest the first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I’m sorry, and then either do one of two things: resign or commit suicide. And in the case of the Japanese, they usually commit suicide before they make any apology.” Well, I had NO idea when a Japanese person commits suicide, they rise from the dead to make an apology. I did not know etiquette was that important to them. Miracles aside, Senator Grassley’s comments gave me reason to do a little research on the Senator and the example he sets when it comes to fiscal responsibility. The AIG bonuses recently announced were $160 million which was part of a total $450 million paid to the pinheads who wrecked their own company. Keep that total in mind as the standard minimum cause to commit public gory suicide and then apologize. Senator Grassley has consistently voted for funding the Iraq invasion and war with a recent estimated total allocation of $656.1 billion. This spending has never been included in the federal budget because every year the Bush Administration called it an “emergency appropriation.” One can only assume they used the accounting firm of Arthur Anderson who successfully accounted Enron into bankruptcy. While the Iowan Senator voted to pay for the actual war in Iraq, he voted against education funding through the GI Bill and against funding for the Veterans Health Administration. I cannot even begin to estimate the cost of 4,259 lives lost in the Iraq war nor the thousands of injuries, both physical and psychological. He also voted for TARP (Troubled Assets Relief Program) back in October 2008 which, among other things, gave AIG $144 billion of taxpayers’ money. Also in 2008 alone, he sponsored 173 earmarks totaling more than $626 million. Although Senator Chuck Grassley voted again the $410 billion spending package but only after he inserted earmarks of $199 million to benefit his state knowing the spending bill would pass anyway. Then, he criticized President Obama for not vetoing it. But still took the money. By advanced calculation, I believe $656.1 billion, $144 billion, $626 million and even $199 million are all more than the $160 million AIG wants to have to reward criminal behavior. Senator, unless you can find a bubblin’ crude while huntin’ for some food, I await your seppuku and apology. In that order.
|
2009 All Rights Reserved
www.lynetteisfunny.com