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I worry. It’s my job, after all, and not to be too arrogant about it; I’m quite good at it. My biggest concern is that for the next three months or so, they will have no one with whom to argue. I’m afraid they might become mute. My two children have a lot in common. They are both smart. They will both be science majors, albeit, in different fields of study. They are both musically talented. My daughter will play alto saxophone in the marching band and flute in concert band. My son knows how to play three saxophones: alto, tenor and bari. And they both believe their parents are complete morons. I’m sure they are convinced that once they move out for good, Beloved Spouse and I will be sitting alone in dark rooms, unable to turn on the television or reach the light switch. In all honesty, there is one television in the house that I do not know how to operate and if my phone has the capability to do more than make or receive calls, I am unaware of it. Soon, they will be patting me on the head. The only thing my two children agree on, as far as I know, is that their parents were FAR easier on the other one. According to him or her, their parents let the other one get away with felonious crimes, indulged in his or her every whim and always took his or her side in every single argument. While they were forced to live on a daily diet of tasteless gruel, made to perform endless chores and were lucky to get a card on their birthdays. It’s really a wonder Child Services were not on the speed dial. But then, that would require me to program the phone and we all know how likely that is to happen. Beloved Spouse and I do not worry too much about having an empty nest. We have had small tastes of it with both kids being in college for a while. College classes are taught at all times of day or night or weekend. Elementary to high school was a little more tightly scheduled. My son has a job and my daughter has a boyfriend. That takes both of them out of the house a lot. At these times, Beloved Spouse and I are shocked to find we can utter something aloud and not be criticized for it. We haven’t been right in years so it’s a new experience. We can talk football. Beloved Spouse and I are huge football fans. We love our beleaguered San Diego Chargers and my heart will always be with my alma mater San Diego State University (Go Aztecs!) and of course we have learned to love the Oregon college teams (Go Ducks!) (Go Beavs!) We are also in a few fantasy football leagues and play several other online football games. But my daughter hates football. Hates it, hates it, hates it. Can’t stand it. Doesn’t want to hear about it or see it on TV or read about it in the newspaper. Hates it. I have tried to explain that football is our recess. It’s our Halo, Gears of War and Sims. We don’t spend hours on Facebook or Twitter and we don’t stay up all night surfing YouTube for funny videos. She still hates football. Also, when Beloved Spouse and I are childless, we can talk about politics. Really! It’s quite a treat. We can’t do it when they’re home because it gets my son (the anarchist) riled up and that really angers my daughter, (who hates Republican politics almost as much as she does football but doesn’t agree with throwing in the towel at this point) and then that leads to another all-out verbal war and so we don’t talk politics in front of them anymore. Sometimes we can watch “The Daily Show” together. Occasionally, “60 Minutes” will bring us all in the same room. If I start to watch a “South Park,” I’m usually not alone by the end of the episode. Other than that, “family television” is a pretty rare event. So, Beloved Spouse and I will be okay. We love our kids and will miss them both terribly. Of course if you ask them, we love and will miss the other one a LOT more.
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