There’s nothing like kicking back at the end of the day and watching TV with the family.

Or so I’ve been told.

Personally, I’ve never had that experience.  It’s my fault, I know, because I bring my dogs into the living room in the evening.

You’ll recall the one time when I was serving pie to my family as they played the Wii video game and my son put his plate down so he could take his turn and Scully, the blind, diabetic, elderly poodle mix, who was named after Agent Scully from The X-Files, decided it would be a fine time to roll off the sofa in the middle of her nap and landed in the pie. 

If you ask her, it was the best dream ever.  Since then, she continues to try and roll off the sofa at random times quite sure that somewhere, down there on the living room floor, lays an unattended piece of pie.

I have to hold onto her while I try to shush Scooby, the Jack Russell Terrier, who as an “active” breed actively watches the TV so the last thing I feel is relaxed.

Maybe your dog does not watch TV but Scooby does. 

My daughter and I have been going through the DVDs of The X-Files.  In the universe of The X-Files, nothing is ever as it seems.  This show even managed to demonize honey bees, yes; the teeny, little buzzers who are so talented they can make honey out of their own barf.  The bees in The Secret Life of Bees are much nicer and if you haven’t already, you really should go see the movie.

But in the episode we watched last night there was a canine creature that made Stephen King’s Cujo seem like Winnie-the-Pooh in comparison.  This was a very bad dog/wolf/evil-entity with the ability to shape-shift and disappear at will and cared not the least about getting Snausages and whose favorite chew toy was a human face. 

This demonic creature with glowing red eyes also growled and barked which got the immediate attention of Scooby.

Scooby really likes The X-Files because someone in the box on top of the hearth yells at Scully every episode.  This makes Scooby quite smug.  No one in the box ever yells at him.

Last night he was stirred from his nap by the sounds of growling and barking.  Instantly alert, you could almost hear the gears of his little Play-Doh brain start to turn as he came to the realization there was another dog.  In his house.  Making noise. 

This was not a situation that could be tolerated.  But Scooby isn’t stupid either so he first coolly surveyed the room from the safety of his blankie.  Once he figured out the Other Dog was trapped inside the box on top of the hearth, he knew he was left with no choice but to defend his home.

Everyone knows the best way to attack an evil X-Files dog is to bark at it.  Which Scooby did.  With gusto.

However, this creature was so menacing and so in need of barking at that Scooby could not just bark at it from his blankie; he had to get as close to it as possible, knowing it was trapped in the box (he’s not that brave,) and further intimidate his foe by doing the Vicious Doggie Dance.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the music genre of Hip Hop.  At my age, I have not the energy/talent/desire to either hip or hop in time to music that is not, in the least, Classic Rock.  However, Scooby can boogie down with the best of them.

As he barked at the offending dog on the TV, he put his front paws on the hearth with his tiny back paws on the floor so he is kind of standing up.  He barked loudly which required so much effort that at times, he became airborne.  His momentum carried him to the end of the hearth and, with nothing else to brace himself on, had to go back the other way, hipping and hopping back and forth and barking with a few pelvic thrusts and hip wiggles possibly defying both the laws of gravity and physics all at the same time. 

Scully woke up once, barked twice, and tried to roll over on more pie. 

If there was any dialog in this episode, I never heard any of it.  All I know is there was an attacking canine growling and barking and gnawing on people’s faces that was ultimately defeated without the use of bees or pie and it could have all been resolved much quicker had Mulder and Scully been accompanied by Agent Scooby. 

And pie.