I cannot believe how bad YOUR Chargers are playing this year.

Once they remove their heads from their present location and reattach them to their proper position atop their necks, they will become MY Chargers.

They won last Sunday against the Kansas City Chiefs but it was only through the grace of God and a hapless field-goal kicker. 

Game time finds me perched in front of the television in yet another Chargers t-shirt.  I have yet to have one work more than one week in a row and pretty soon I’m gonna be sitting there half-nekkid.  This week I was wearing my Halloween Chargers shirt because this season has been a total nightmare.

Welcome to My Nightmare, Alice Cooper?  I think not.  Your team is the Arizona Cardinals.  Can you believe it?  I’m envious of the Arizona Cardinals for crying out loud.  How pathetic is that?

How is it that I, an overweight, middle-aged mother of two, watching the game in Bend, Oregon knows that if you run up the middle three times in a row, on the third time the seas will not automatically part for LaDainian Tomlinson to run to the Promised Land?

What’s the definition of doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results?

That’s right: insanity.

It is crazy to think LT can run without the offensive line doing their job.  I watch these guys and they basically stand around frantically looking around for a dog pile to hurl themselves on so they can get their uniforms dirty. 

Don’t think it is all Philip Rivers fault, either.  So he has thrown a few interceptions.  It’s hard to throw a complete pass when you are given so few opportunities to do so.  When the line does give him time to throw, chances are very good the receiver is going to drop the ball anyway. 

The defense?  Oh, Lord; give me strength.  The only player on the defense who is doing his job, week after week, is nose tackle Jamal Williams.  It is an absolute joy to see the look of horror on the face of the quarterback as #76 thunders his way.  I think they should just announce, “And starting today as the front four: Jamal Williams.”

You should watch him as they line up for the play.  He looks at the quarterback and licks his lips.  Jamal is hungry. 

The zone defense does not work.  Does not work.  Got it?  The prevent defense only prevents winning.  Drop both strategies.  Now.

The play calling seems to be done with a Magic 8 ball.  The entertaining creativity that had LT throwing passes and Antonio Cromartie intercepting was effective.  Why stop doing it?

Perhaps this season can be seen as some sort of sacrifice.  Let us pray:

We lay our humble burnt offering before Thee, Lord and pray that you can see Your way to granting Your divine grace on this pitiful excuse of a professional football team. 

We ask Thee to smite the evil doers who think it’s a really good idea to only use three different plays a game. 

We beseech Thee, O Lord, to cast out the phantoms that continue to haunt the officiating crew of each and every game this year.  Cause them to use their hankies in the ways of wisdom.  They art seeing things, Lord, and lo; it has cost us many games. 

We pray to You please raise up the offensive line until they offend no more.  Please God, deliver Thine holy vengeance on the defense until they repent.  Yea, verily.

And Lord, as long as You’re at it, could you ask Santa to deliver us a new coach?