You know the common image of a rabbit?  They are considered to be timid, shy, quivering fuzzies with an unrequited love for Trix.

That’s not our rabbit, Cookie, at all.

Cookie was a shelter pet (like everyone else who lives here) and has a real attitude.  It was even worse before the vet did the operation that got her hormones under control if you get my drift.  It was a life-saving surgery because if she bit me one more time, I was ready to bonk her.

When the weather is warm we lock the dogs out of the side yard and let her run around for about an hour.  Someone has to be there with her the whole time because predators can be present. 

One year we had a resident hawk who decided to set up house in our backyard because we provided a significant smorgasbord of game for her pleasure.  She would chase the doves into the living room window with her breaking off at the last second to return and pick up her stunned (or worse) snack.  Hawks, owls and traveling neighborhood kitty cats all know our yard quite well so the danger is real.

This time of year, however, it is not warm.  In fact, it is the very opposite of warm by definition.  Yesterday the low was 2.  That’s not a typo.  T-W-O: two degrees Fahrenheit.  The high was 4.

Remember when your mom told you to stop making that face or it would freeze that way?  When I took the dogs outside on Monday to make wee-wee, my face froze.  It was not at all attractive as in the Botox results.  My eyebrows were raised to about my hairline because my eyes were boggled out.  The corners of my mouth were stretched back with my teeth visible as I attempted to say a very bad word that starts with “sh” but was unable to pronounce because my tongue iced up.

The dogs weren’t much better at withstanding the cold.  Scully did her business in record time and Scooby’s testosterone frosted over.

It is hard to hold onto the self-described vision of yourself as a smoldering, hunk of virile manhood when you are balancing on an ever-changing tripod of your legs as you attempt to grant alternating footies respite from the cold surface of the sidewalk.  My snickers over his imitation of a spastic Rockette didn’t help matters in the least.

Since Cookie the rabbit could not go outside, we moved her cage into the living room, next to the Christmas tree, so she could look have a change of scenery.

From her perch on top of her hutch, Cookie is able to watch the myriad of freeloaders who mooch off us year round.  Squirrels, Stellar jays, doves, chickadees, finches, grosbeaks, quail and woodpeckers are frequent, if not daily, visitors and provided endless entertainment for a house-bound bunny.

My son and I were watching your Chargers (they’ll become MY Chargers once they win more than one game in a row) in the other room when we heard a resounding thud from the living room.  We rushed in and looked out the window expecting to see a hapless bird lying on the ground but there was nothing there.  We could not figure out what had crashed into the window with such force.

Until, that is, I looked beyond our fence into the neighbor’s yard and saw a hawk sitting in a tree.  The bird looked a bit dazed and wobbly and seemed to be okay but it did not have any prey clasped in its talons.

Then, we realized what had happened.  The hawk, taking a stroll through the area, spotted an extremely well-fed morsel without any humans around to defend it.  The hawk probably thought this meal would be easier than calling Domino’s.  It was just sitting there, not afraid in the least, and was basically asking to be made into a Hawk Happy Meal.

Swooping down in a precise arc with the speed of a fighter jet, the hawk approached its oblivious target.  Thwack!

There was an invisible force field, otherwise known as a window, between the hungry predator and Cookie, the vicious fluff-bunny.  Smug in the safety of her cozy home, Cookie smirked at her would-be slaughterer and you could just tell what she was thinking in her little poof-head.

Neener, neener, neener.